My entire life I have gathered stories.. I think we all have... the difference being that four all of my young adulthood gathering stories was my main objective. I took any oppertunity I came upon ... College.. check... 63 jobs ... check... moved countless times aroud the country ... check... I have done it all ... The only things I think I haven't done has been those that I didn't want to do .. or didn't have the money to do. I thought that was how to live life. Planning, and standing idolly by was for smucks... (I still think that to an extent) ... I didn't have any goals but to do everything and see everything... Then I got older and older ... I had this life full of amazing stories but the glazed over look in in my semi-close friends eyes show me that they don't really care and my really close friends already know all my stories cause they were there to be my accompises in most cases.
Then I got even older and now I feel like I am losing my stories... they don't matter to anyone except when I talk to my old best friends who relive them with me. Its sad to me that most people have no idea who I was 5 or 6 years ago. I feel like somewhere along the way I have lost my self.
I guess the song by Brandi Carlile says it best
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Break up with the World
Okay so... When I was in Utah I bought this Fireside on tape... It's called Break up With the World. Of course I knew it would be talking about worldliness and etc but it was really cute in the way the dude approached it. By the way the Guy's name is Hank Smith and you can buy the CD at Segull book (they have it for the cheapest) ... and just to make it easy for u cause it's sooooo good and I want everyone to have a copy just click here and it will take u to check out.
In the Fireside he talks about this girl who was in a class he taught. She knew she had something she needed to break up with that was poison in her life. It happened to be a tv show she was obsessed with. So she eventually decided to give it up and so she went home and talked to the show... She said "you have been a good show. We have had some good and bad times, but I have to break up with you... " And she turned it off and never went back.
Then two nights ago, for my birthday, We all went out to eat and one of my friends were talking about her therapy techniques. She was talking about this empty chair technique where they put someone in an empty chair (ie a father who abused a girl but is dead so she can't confront him) and make the person talk to that imaginary thing. I think that breaking up with both Human beings and objects can work if you just say it out loud. So I tried it... "Dr. Pepper" I said out loud... " I love you, You have been my up when I was down and m crutch when I couldn't keep my eyes open... You have outwardly been a foul weather friend... but inside you are tearing me apart. You are very bad for me and my body, you make me fat, you make me bloat, and are very possibly giving me an Ulster.. we have to break up Dr. Pepper"
Once I did this I wanted to break up with more things. All the things in my life that are poison. This includes a certain guy friend. I had to end out friendship because he is the biggest thing in my life that drives the spirit away from me the fastest. I have to walk away but not only end it but I knew this time I had to be like Helemens army and bury this sword deep in the earth so I cant just pull it out again when I want a date to the dance or someone to go to the fireman's festival in Buda with, Someone to listen to music laying down cuddling under the stars with... I have ended this relationship too many times in the past and I knew it was time to do the final goodbye and that it had to be a much bigger gesture than telling him I'm done. In the past all it takes is a text of sorry and we were back to square one.
So this time, I dropped the bomb... I first texted him and said we are done, blah blah blah ... and that if I get weak and try to text him to please not text me back. (he's pretty good about listening to my instructions so I'm pretty confident that will do the trick but in case not I black listed him from my phone and I called my phone company and blocked his number.
This is the only way I know how to completely bury that sword in the earth. I need to move on and let this stuff just be my past. plus no dude is gonna wanna get in the Julie business with all this luggage I carry. SO now I'm free and clear.. I think there are just a few more things I need to break up with but its gonna take some time...
I challenge you all, esp. if ur not gonna listen to the fireside, to take time and break up with ( and do it like a real break up) the things you need to leave out of ur life. I feel so much better now a days!
Here is a song that I am dedicating to all the things I am breaking up with..
Katharine Mcphee- Over it
In the Fireside he talks about this girl who was in a class he taught. She knew she had something she needed to break up with that was poison in her life. It happened to be a tv show she was obsessed with. So she eventually decided to give it up and so she went home and talked to the show... She said "you have been a good show. We have had some good and bad times, but I have to break up with you... " And she turned it off and never went back.
Then two nights ago, for my birthday, We all went out to eat and one of my friends were talking about her therapy techniques. She was talking about this empty chair technique where they put someone in an empty chair (ie a father who abused a girl but is dead so she can't confront him) and make the person talk to that imaginary thing. I think that breaking up with both Human beings and objects can work if you just say it out loud. So I tried it... "Dr. Pepper" I said out loud... " I love you, You have been my up when I was down and m crutch when I couldn't keep my eyes open... You have outwardly been a foul weather friend... but inside you are tearing me apart. You are very bad for me and my body, you make me fat, you make me bloat, and are very possibly giving me an Ulster.. we have to break up Dr. Pepper"
Once I did this I wanted to break up with more things. All the things in my life that are poison. This includes a certain guy friend. I had to end out friendship because he is the biggest thing in my life that drives the spirit away from me the fastest. I have to walk away but not only end it but I knew this time I had to be like Helemens army and bury this sword deep in the earth so I cant just pull it out again when I want a date to the dance or someone to go to the fireman's festival in Buda with, Someone to listen to music laying down cuddling under the stars with... I have ended this relationship too many times in the past and I knew it was time to do the final goodbye and that it had to be a much bigger gesture than telling him I'm done. In the past all it takes is a text of sorry and we were back to square one.
So this time, I dropped the bomb... I first texted him and said we are done, blah blah blah ... and that if I get weak and try to text him to please not text me back. (he's pretty good about listening to my instructions so I'm pretty confident that will do the trick but in case not I black listed him from my phone and I called my phone company and blocked his number.
This is the only way I know how to completely bury that sword in the earth. I need to move on and let this stuff just be my past. plus no dude is gonna wanna get in the Julie business with all this luggage I carry. SO now I'm free and clear.. I think there are just a few more things I need to break up with but its gonna take some time...
I challenge you all, esp. if ur not gonna listen to the fireside, to take time and break up with ( and do it like a real break up) the things you need to leave out of ur life. I feel so much better now a days!
Here is a song that I am dedicating to all the things I am breaking up with..
Katharine Mcphee- Over it
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Power without end
Watch "Jesus Christ - His Hands" on YouTube
So.this is going to.be a short post due to the fact.that im blotting on my phone at a bus stop in the rain. I just wanted to tell a story real.quick. so.... yesterday (because.im poor) I.went to donate plasma. Now I.being julie, thinking im all knowing, indestructable and powerful, didn't eat anything first. It was only 9 when I went so I.thought.id be fine but.I.didn't actually start.donating till around one due to.it being my first time. So.... about 30 minuets into.the plasma donation I started to.get sick. My face ran white my body tempature was very hi I couldn't keep my eyes open. I lost all feeling in my left arm... I called out for.a nurse and within seconds a team if nurses and two doctors were at my side.... did u eat today they kept asking... I was barley able to.respond. "try to.keep.ur.eyes open" one nurse kept saying. I was compleetly out of it I had lost all the strength in my body with in a few moments. The doctor hooked me up to.an iv to help my.blood rebuild.(or whatever u call.it) and with in a few minuets I was back to the same old julie. As the doctor walked me out I.was appologizing and he said "its okay this is what.happens when u lose a lot of blood"
It didn't occur to me in the.moment and intact.it didn't occur.to.me.til.a few moments ago what a great gift that glimpse was for me. I got to really feel what it is like to loose your blood.
Im not saying my experience even blinks in the same direction as the.saviors but what I am saving is ... in that moment I had only lost a small snout of blood in.comparison to what the savior lost. I was lythargic and could barley speak. I couldn't keep my eyes open or hold up.my hand.... the savior bleed at every pore and not only did that not kill him but he had the stength to.remain alive.those next days to.be.tortured.and ridiculed and was forced to carry his.cross upon his shoulders.... he didn't get.an iv or.food or.drink (with the exception of vinegar) but his strength was ever so impressive. He is our savior and king... the one man strong enough to withstand all that and the.time.upon the cross.... I am even more apprecitive.of his strength for us and the atonement today.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I could of danced all night!
From my fair lady: I want you to watch this video first so you get the love in her eyes! Here
I just watched My Fair Lady! I LOVE this movie!! but it occurred to me how this whole situation (minus the happy ending) is so similar to how SOME men treat women. This woman is looking for something (much like a woman looking for a good man to love her) She wants to invest in her future by learning how to speak properly ( women want to find a husband to invest in their emotional future)
Then, she finds her man (so to speak) and she is taken in. she has a small since of security. Then after all the work she puts in (a short term when compared to the 5+ years some of us have invested) and then in the end she realizes that all the work was in vain and she meant nothing more to this man than a way to boost his ego and his self image. She learns that it was all for one thing... and while yes her reward was a better accent and the ability to be seen as normal in public. But, what she really wants is his love. He only wanted one thing and it's made clear after her purpose was served. Have we not all been in a similar situation?
I'm just saying... Why can't a man be more like a woman??
I just watched My Fair Lady! I LOVE this movie!! but it occurred to me how this whole situation (minus the happy ending) is so similar to how SOME men treat women. This woman is looking for something (much like a woman looking for a good man to love her) She wants to invest in her future by learning how to speak properly ( women want to find a husband to invest in their emotional future)
Then, she finds her man (so to speak) and she is taken in. she has a small since of security. Then after all the work she puts in (a short term when compared to the 5+ years some of us have invested) and then in the end she realizes that all the work was in vain and she meant nothing more to this man than a way to boost his ego and his self image. She learns that it was all for one thing... and while yes her reward was a better accent and the ability to be seen as normal in public. But, what she really wants is his love. He only wanted one thing and it's made clear after her purpose was served. Have we not all been in a similar situation?
I'm just saying... Why can't a man be more like a woman??
Thursday, February 17, 2011
No SCRUBS!!!
There is the famous song by TLC called no scrubs... in case you have been under a rock or just need a refresher you can find it HERE
One of my best friends and I were sick of dudes, dating/ making out with/ liking ... etc, the wrongs.. We found it leads to heartache, frustrations, pain, frustrations ... wasted time.. frustrations... you get the point... So on one of are awesome insightful weekend visits (she lives in SA now so we don't get to hang all that much.. well compared to when we were roommates!) we decided it was time to make a list... and stick to it!!!
Here is our list
keep in mind this is just a foundation list we think every girl should demand from a guy... Being a Daughter of God we really don't think it's much to ask ... any additional personal requirements can be added later!
(we are hoping to turn it into a book someday ESP. For Mormon single chicks)
-Temple worthy (Preferably endowed or heading that way ... at the age around 30 the good guys tend to be)
-Motivated ( in career, fitness, church etc.. )
-Passionate (about anything at all... even if it's one thing... he needs to have at least one real passion) I think it's simple to say that if a guy hasn't found a passion in 30 years it's gonna be hard to get passionate about you... (not in the sex way but in the making you happy way)
-Unselfish ( a girl can tell this when making out or even just kissing... does he give or take?) if he puts you first its so much easier to put him first...
-This is a hard one... A guy that kisses you on the first date ... is too eager .. he wants your yumminess and hasn't put in the work yet. We aren't saying don't kiss back .. cause kissing is after all kinda fun!! wink wink... all we are saying is no more dates! STAY AWAY FROM THE EAGER BEAVERS!!! a relationship built on the physical will bring MANY MANY frustrations!!
Now on the flip side to that ... IF NO KISS AT ALL BY THE 5TH DATE!!! rrruuunnnn!!! I don't care if he is the biggest prude in the world if he doesn't kiss you by the 5th date (unless he has mono or a cold sore or something) Now if you have some thing about kissing not until engaged or something...well... that's your call ... I can tell you that both Erin and I agree that kissing a dude will tell you all you need to know about the physical aspect of your relationship so that's important!!
-He needs to also have done SOMETHING with his life!!... Worked (career type job) , served a mission, gone to school etc...
-He needs to know how to commit (enough said I think)
-He needs to not take the physical to a level where you are compromising your standards... if he is tempting you to do things that are against the standards of the church listen in the strength for youth (especially the 4th paragraph ... click see more)
There were other things but we can't remember them now... I'm not lecturing I just wanted to write these down before I forgot... and I figured if I made them public I may be held to them!!!
They aren't always easy to follow but we believe that buy following these general rules for looking for a husband then we will find a worthy mate... and by following these standards out self we will be worthy of that mate!!
Thats all I got and as always... feedback would be AWESOME!!!!!!
One of my best friends and I were sick of dudes, dating/ making out with/ liking ... etc, the wrongs.. We found it leads to heartache, frustrations, pain, frustrations ... wasted time.. frustrations... you get the point... So on one of are awesome insightful weekend visits (she lives in SA now so we don't get to hang all that much.. well compared to when we were roommates!) we decided it was time to make a list... and stick to it!!!
Here is our list
keep in mind this is just a foundation list we think every girl should demand from a guy... Being a Daughter of God we really don't think it's much to ask ... any additional personal requirements can be added later!
(we are hoping to turn it into a book someday ESP. For Mormon single chicks)
-Temple worthy (Preferably endowed or heading that way ... at the age around 30 the good guys tend to be)
-Motivated ( in career, fitness, church etc.. )
-Passionate (about anything at all... even if it's one thing... he needs to have at least one real passion) I think it's simple to say that if a guy hasn't found a passion in 30 years it's gonna be hard to get passionate about you... (not in the sex way but in the making you happy way)
-Unselfish ( a girl can tell this when making out or even just kissing... does he give or take?) if he puts you first its so much easier to put him first...
-This is a hard one... A guy that kisses you on the first date ... is too eager .. he wants your yumminess and hasn't put in the work yet. We aren't saying don't kiss back .. cause kissing is after all kinda fun!! wink wink... all we are saying is no more dates! STAY AWAY FROM THE EAGER BEAVERS!!! a relationship built on the physical will bring MANY MANY frustrations!!
Now on the flip side to that ... IF NO KISS AT ALL BY THE 5TH DATE!!! rrruuunnnn!!! I don't care if he is the biggest prude in the world if he doesn't kiss you by the 5th date (unless he has mono or a cold sore or something) Now if you have some thing about kissing not until engaged or something...well... that's your call ... I can tell you that both Erin and I agree that kissing a dude will tell you all you need to know about the physical aspect of your relationship so that's important!!
-He needs to also have done SOMETHING with his life!!... Worked (career type job) , served a mission, gone to school etc...
-He needs to know how to commit (enough said I think)
-He needs to not take the physical to a level where you are compromising your standards... if he is tempting you to do things that are against the standards of the church listen in the strength for youth (especially the 4th paragraph ... click see more)
There were other things but we can't remember them now... I'm not lecturing I just wanted to write these down before I forgot... and I figured if I made them public I may be held to them!!!
They aren't always easy to follow but we believe that buy following these general rules for looking for a husband then we will find a worthy mate... and by following these standards out self we will be worthy of that mate!!
Thats all I got and as always... feedback would be AWESOME!!!!!!
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