Margaret's Garden

Don't look back

I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend last night about leaving the past where it belongs. I truly believe in not picking at old scabs.. it prevents them from healing properly... and leaves scars... So as I set out to face my day today... I can't help but recall Lots wife in Genesis 19 ... The Lord had Lot leave the city... he makes it clear that they must go far outside the city, he also tells them to not look back.

I have a friend that was hard core into doing drugs... She got pregnant and quit. I was very proud of her but her problem became that she stayed right outside the city walls. She didn't run as far away as she could. She stayed friends with her old drug dealing friends and eventually found herself using again. If they would of dwelt close to the city it may be tempting to run back in the middle of the destruction because you would want to save your friends.. Or because everything you knew was no longer there.

Then we have the example of looking back. Lots wife is one of my favorite lessons. I can't tell you the number of times I have left something in my life yet looked back... It has lead to personal destruction too many times... I have recently decided to bury a sword in the earth (read like 3 blogs ago) and I know looking bhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifack will only make me regret my choice so I move forward. For the first time I'm able to actually get over something with out needing closure or with out picking at every corner of the scab.

To my friend, I think that there is a lot of things that we could pick at but it will never resolve a thing. I have adapted my never look back attitude and I hope you will join me.

I have included a song, as always ... look up the lyrics if you can't understand what they are saying the recording is kinda old!
Don't look back by Boston

Tetris

When was the last time u played tetris ? Do.u remeber how it starts out slow as u lay each piece perfectly intersected with the others? U lay them all perfectly so you.can slide that long 5 block one in and bang!! You got a tetris! !! Good job and on to the next level ... in level two the pretty new background isn't the only thing changing... the pace is a little faster u find u make a mistake or.maybe two but with careful planning u and you recover ans maybe make another tetris or two or maybe u have to fight for those points one line at a time but,  u earn them and eventually u get to the next level... this continues... faster and faster... fewer and fewer tetrisis... you start forgetting about getting tetrisis and about the top of the screen that taunts u with the notion that this pile of unorginized blocks will eventually reach the top and the game will be over... all u will have left is the score on the side and the knowlege of the many levels u were able to pass off...

LIFE IS LIKE TETRIS!!

We start out with a clean slate.... and one problem or issue or circumstance drops down... you move it to the side and, it looks good there... then the next one comes... and u know just where to put it too... just how to handle it so that u will have room to handle ur bigger issues or trials etc... soon you have advanced to a new level be it at work or mentally, spirtually .. maybe even physically... maybe u think ur done.. you've won!! But no ... this new level ur on is even more challenging than before... and sure ur experience with the first level helps u know better how to.handle ur new level but that doesn't solve the fact that u long for that easier stage. Back when u had few problems and they fell so slow u almost got bored waiting for them... but anyone with even a partly pleasent attitude likes this new challege to better their score and therefore we press forward..

But as u notice the tiles fall faster and faster panic mode starts to set in... u start to stress more and more about where ur putting ur tiles, leading to bad placement after bad placement because ur more worried about what the next tile will be than how to deal with the tile u have. The game is no longer fun... and the drop in how many points ur gaining is obvious... another thing to stress u out.... then before u know it ... ur game is over.... all u have left of ur life is an unorginized stack of problems that were never delt with properly and memories of a time when u knew exactly how to handle life.

No matter what we do we will soon all face a mad dash of stress to try to get our tiles strait... we will all long for those simpler stages in life.... the difference in game over and moving on to the championship rounds is in whos in control of ur game.

When we are behind the controls all the time then we will definetly stress out and panic when time comes.... but when u have delt poorly with a situation, causing u to mess ur game up, hand ur controls over to the Lord and let him help u ... you will be at peace... and as u let him help with the small issues u will feel more confident in his ability to help when tiles are poping down faster than u are able to deal with.

I know the Lord loves us so much that he quickly ended his game of tetris in order to rush to our side and help us with ours... Father and Jesus believe in us... they believe we can pass all levels of life with their help. So next time ur stuck on a tricky level call on the lord he will help you be a winner every time.

The Story

My entire life I have gathered stories.. I think we all have... the difference being that four all of my young adulthood gathering stories was my main objective. I took any oppertunity I came upon ... College.. check... 63 jobs ... check... moved countless times aroud the country ... check... I have done it all ... The only things I think I haven't done has been those that I didn't want to do .. or didn't have the money to do. I thought that was how to live life. Planning, and standing idolly by was for smucks... (I still think that to an extent) ... I didn't have any goals but to do everything and see everything... Then I got older and older ... I had this life full of amazing stories but the glazed over look in in my semi-close friends eyes show me that they don't really care and my really close friends already know all my stories cause they were there to be my accompises in most cases.

Then I got even older and now I feel like I am losing my stories... they don't matter to anyone except when I talk to my old best friends who relive them with me. Its sad to me that most people have no idea who I was 5 or 6 years ago. I feel like somewhere along the way I have lost my self.

I guess the song by Brandi Carlile says it best


All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to

Break up with the World

Okay so... When I was in Utah I bought this Fireside on tape... It's called Break up With the World. Of course I knew it would be talking about worldliness and etc but it was really cute in the way the dude approached it. By the way the Guy's name is Hank Smith and you can buy the CD at Segull book (they have it for the cheapest) ... and just to make it easy for u cause it's sooooo good and I want everyone to have a copy just click here and it will take u to check out.

In the Fireside he talks about this girl who was in a class he taught. She knew she had something she needed to break up with that was poison in her life. It happened to be a tv show she was obsessed with. So she eventually decided to give it up and so she went home and talked to the show... She said "you have been a good show. We have had some good and bad times, but I have to break up with you... " And she turned it off and never went back.

Then two nights ago, for my birthday, We all went out to eat and one of my friends were talking about her therapy techniques. She was talking about this empty chair technique where they put someone in an empty chair (ie a father who abused a girl but is dead so she can't confront him) and make the person talk to that imaginary thing. I think that breaking up with both Human beings and objects can work if you just say it out loud. So I tried it... "Dr. Pepper" I said out loud... " I love you, You have been my up when I was down and m crutch when I couldn't keep my eyes open... You have outwardly been a foul weather friend... but inside you are tearing me apart. You are very bad for me and my body, you make me fat, you make me bloat, and are very possibly giving me an Ulster.. we have to break up Dr. Pepper"

Once I did this I wanted to break up with more things. All the things in my life that are poison. This includes a certain guy friend. I had to end out friendship because he is the biggest thing in my life that drives the spirit away from me the fastest. I have to walk away but not only end it but I knew this time I had to be like Helemens army and bury this sword deep in the earth so I cant just pull it out again when I want a date to the dance or someone to go to the fireman's festival in Buda with, Someone to listen to music laying down cuddling under the stars with... I have ended this relationship too many times in the past and I knew it was time to do the final goodbye and that it had to be a much bigger gesture than telling him I'm done. In the past all it takes is a text of sorry and we were back to square one.

So this time, I dropped the bomb... I first texted him and said we are done, blah blah blah ... and that if I get weak and try to text him to please not text me back. (he's pretty good about listening to my instructions so I'm pretty confident that will do the trick but in case not I black listed him from my phone and I called my phone company and blocked his number.

This is the only way I know how to completely bury that sword in the earth. I need to move on and let this stuff just be my past. plus no dude is gonna wanna get in the Julie business with all this luggage I carry. SO now I'm free and clear.. I think there are just a few more things I need to break up with but its gonna take some time...

I challenge you all, esp. if ur not gonna listen to the fireside, to take time and break up with ( and do it like a real break up) the things you need to leave out of ur life. I feel so much better now a days!

Here is a song that I am dedicating to all the things I am breaking up with..

Katharine Mcphee- Over it

Power without end

Watch "Jesus Christ - His Hands" on YouTube

So.this is going to.be a short post due to the fact.that im blotting on my phone at a bus stop in the rain. I just wanted to tell a story real.quick. so.... yesterday (because.im poor) I.went to donate plasma. Now I.being julie, thinking im all knowing, indestructable and powerful, didn't eat anything first. It was only 9 when I went so I.thought.id be fine but.I.didn't actually start.donating till around one due to.it being my first time. So.... about 30 minuets into.the plasma donation I started to.get sick. My face ran white my body tempature was very hi I couldn't keep my eyes open. I lost all feeling in my left arm... I called out for.a nurse and within seconds a team if nurses and two doctors were at my side.... did u eat today they kept asking... I was barley able to.respond.  "try to.keep.ur.eyes open" one nurse kept saying. I was compleetly out of it I had lost all the strength in my body with in a few moments. The doctor hooked me up to.an iv to help my.blood rebuild.(or whatever u call.it) and with in a few minuets I was back to the same old julie. As the doctor walked me out I.was appologizing and he said "its okay this is what.happens when u lose a lot of blood"

It didn't occur to me in the.moment and intact.it didn't occur.to.me.til.a few moments ago what a great gift that glimpse was for me. I got to really feel what it is like to loose your blood.

Im not saying my experience even blinks in the same direction as the.saviors but what I am saving is ... in that moment I had only lost a small snout of blood in.comparison to what the savior lost. I was lythargic and could barley speak. I couldn't keep my eyes open or hold up.my hand.... the savior bleed at every pore and not only did that not kill him but he had the stength to.remain alive.those next days to.be.tortured.and ridiculed and was forced to carry his.cross upon his shoulders.... he didn't get.an iv or.food or.drink (with the exception of vinegar) but his strength was ever so impressive. He is our savior and king... the one man strong enough to withstand all that and the.time.upon the cross.... I am even more apprecitive.of his strength for us and the atonement today.

When Harry Met Sally

Is a love story that ends like this so much to ask?

When Harry Met Sally

I Think this clip speaks for it's self... Someday!! :-) Clip

I could of danced all night!

From my fair lady: I want you to watch this video first so you get the love in her eyes! Here

I just watched My Fair Lady! I LOVE this movie!! but it occurred to me how this whole situation (minus the happy ending) is so similar to how SOME men treat women. This woman is looking for something (much like a woman looking for a good man to love her) She wants to invest in her future by learning how to speak properly ( women want to find a husband to invest in their emotional future)

Then, she finds her man (so to speak) and she is taken in. she has a small since of security. Then after all the work she puts in (a short term when compared to the 5+ years some of us have invested) and then in the end she realizes that all the work was in vain and she meant nothing more to this man than a way to boost his ego and his self image. She learns that it was all for one thing... and while yes her reward was a better accent and the ability to be seen as normal in public. But, what she really wants is his love. He only wanted one thing and it's made clear after her purpose was served. Have we not all been in a similar situation?

I'm just saying... Why can't a man be more like a woman??

No SCRUBS!!!

There is the famous song by TLC called no scrubs... in case you have been under a rock or just need a refresher you can find it HERE


One of my best friends and I were sick of dudes, dating/ making out with/ liking ... etc, the wrongs.. We found it leads to heartache, frustrations, pain, frustrations ... wasted time.. frustrations... you get the point... So on one of are awesome insightful weekend visits (she lives in SA now so we don't get to hang all that much.. well compared to when we were roommates!) we decided it was time to make a list... and stick to it!!!

Here is our list
keep in mind this is just a foundation list we think every girl should demand from a guy... Being a Daughter of God we really don't think it's much to ask ... any additional personal requirements can be added later!

(we are hoping to turn it into a book someday ESP. For Mormon single chicks)

-Temple worthy (Preferably endowed or heading that way ... at the age around 30 the good guys tend to be)

-Motivated ( in career, fitness, church etc.. )

-Passionate (about anything at all... even if it's one thing... he needs to have at least one real passion) I think it's simple to say that if a guy hasn't found a passion in 30 years it's gonna be hard to get passionate about you... (not in the sex way but in the making you happy way)

-Unselfish ( a girl can tell this when making out or even just kissing... does he give or take?) if he puts you first its so much easier to put him first...

-This is a hard one... A guy that kisses you on the first date ... is too eager .. he wants your yumminess and hasn't put in the work yet. We aren't saying don't kiss back .. cause kissing is after all kinda fun!! wink wink... all we are saying is no more dates! STAY AWAY FROM THE EAGER BEAVERS!!! a relationship built on the physical will bring MANY MANY frustrations!!

Now on the flip side to that ... IF NO KISS AT ALL BY THE 5TH DATE!!! rrruuunnnn!!! I don't care if he is the biggest prude in the world if he doesn't kiss you by the 5th date (unless he has mono or a cold sore or something) Now if you have some thing about kissing not until engaged or something...well... that's your call ... I can tell you that both Erin and I agree that kissing a dude will tell you all you need to know about the physical aspect of your relationship so that's important!!


-He needs to also have done SOMETHING with his life!!... Worked (career type job) , served a mission, gone to school etc...

-He needs to know how to commit (enough said I think)

-He needs to not take the physical to a level where you are compromising your standards... if he is tempting you to do things that are against the standards of the church listen in the strength for youth (especially the 4th paragraph ... click see more)


There were other things but we can't remember them now... I'm not lecturing I just wanted to write these down before I forgot... and I figured if I made them public I may be held to them!!!

They aren't always easy to follow but we believe that buy following these general rules for looking for a husband then we will find a worthy mate... and by following these standards out self we will be worthy of that mate!!


Thats all I got and as always... feedback would be AWESOME!!!!!!

Closure

So in interior design class today W talked about different elements of design. One of the many is an element called "Closure" The Definition in design is "When something is missing but your eye will make it up"

Here is an image that represents what I'm talking about.



So see how you recognize the shape cause your eye fills in the blanks?

Okay so this got me thinking (anything to keep me entertained in the middle of a boring lecture) What is true closure? What is it that makes us finally connect those lines and close something off from the rest of our lives?

I'm not a closure kind of person. I would love to be but it's hard. I have seldom been able to connect those lines in my circles. I've tried many things...

-Think about all the bad stuff.
-come to grips on what I need to do.
-listen to all my friends advice.
-date other guys.
-destroy all evidence he ever existed in my life.
-write in my diary.

You name it I've done it. but yet... time after time I get my hopes up for a change this time... I Believe things are up... I bring back the DRAMA!!!! why why why??? How do you move on? In design your eye makes up the shape... So is there a way to get your heart to complete the relationship? To close it off for good?

Maybe there is no just one way maybe there is a thousand ways and you have to just try them all until one fits. Maybe every situation is different...

or maybe I have to just chill out...

Goodnight y'all

My song for this : Love the way you lie

In the world I live in and the people I associate with (especially the boys) I find truth so hard to come by. I’m not saying people always lie or that it’s their intention to deceive me but what I’m saying and I suppose it’s something I’m also guilty of… is .. why can’t people relay truth? Why can’t I find truth in a relationship. Its always games and hiding your true feelings. It’s always so difficult to be open with the person you love. Why can’t we just share our perceptions in terms of reality? Why, if I am in love, can I not just say “I love you” it’s the perception of how I feel so why is it so hard to say? Why is it so hard for us to say “I don’t see this going anywhere” It’s just your perception of reality. Are feeling that fragile that we have to live a life of games and reading hints and signs?

I don’t think married people realize how amazing they must have it to be able to come home at night and say I love you to the person you love and not have to worry about the reaction you will get. Is the difference between being married and single have to do with our ability to express openly our perceptions of reality?

Perhaps it is. Perhaps I would’t waist so much time with the wrong person because either they or I were too afraid to relay what we see. To be truthful.

I think this week is going to be my truth only week.. Not to say that I am a liar and am always lying but I am a little stingy on the truth at times in order to avoid uncomfortable situations. I think this week I will only relay my perceptions in terms of reality… I’ll Check back and let you know what I find.

I want to also add, in case anyone reads this for real, Brother Gallini’s class (Thur. Nights 7:30 at the institute building) is amazing. I get over institute quickly cause I have been attending for over 10 years now so I get bored with the same lessons over and over… (no offense to my amazing teachers of the past you guys really do rock!) but I’m finding Jared's class giving me new ways to look at things. It holds my interest so … I hope everyone can make it out to his class (single or married … under the age of 35) and see what I’m talking about!!!

Something Churchy!

Okay I think I need to be a little more religious... especially since my background is now all CTR and cute! :-)

I have a story to tell... It's a good one so read on!

So I was in church a few weeks ago. I was having a tough week, losing faith, feeling a little uncomfortable in my new ward. It was overall a tough few weeks.

I sat in a row just like any other for no real reason but that made all the difference. we had the pleasure of having a special musical number that week. I don't remember the song or the girls name but I remember seeing this scared young woman up on stage. So unsure about everything. She started singing this very high pitched song. She would get to the highest peaks and because of her lack in confidence she would lose her voice would crack. I noticed after wards she would smile and move on. after about 3 high cracked notes I noticed what was the cause for the smile. As she would approach her high note she would look into the croud where her father was sitting. She would look him in the eye and his unwavering attention would give her the confidence to keep going.

As the song went on I noticed two things. One, the girl started getting more and more confident and two, The kids sitting on the row with the father would try to break his attention, and he wouldn't budge.. he kept his eyes set on his daughter. Even when she was confident enough to not to need his gaze she still had his full attention. When she was unsure she only needed her fathers eyes and nod of encouragement and she could get through. By the end this girl was confident enough to make it through the high notes and the rest of the song.

At the risk of sounding like a sap... I think God put me in that pew for a reason. He knew I would see this and learn what I did. I learned that no matter if I have other people to look to for encouragement or not I will always have him. He is there with his undivided attention. I can always look for him in the crowd of life and he will be there, eyes set on me, ready to give me the smile and nod to get me through the high notes. He is there every day. In every thing I do. I know that no one in this world, no matter how much they love me will ever give me that kind of love. No one will always be ready to smile and nod at me in every struggle I have. I have the confidence to make it though my trials because Heavenly Father.

Here is a good song about the Love of a Father. Forever and Ever Amen

Love is like Sales!

Those who know me know that I look for patterns and things in my everyday life that I can relate to other parts of my life. This is my newest Theory . I think it works but let me know what you think!
From what I remember about my 5+ years of sales there are a few reasons to ever lose a sale.
So... What is crazy Julie talking about?? How does love have anything to do with sales??
I think that when you are dating you are faced with rejection wither it be because you stepped out on the line and got shot down or because you have a secret crush on someone that has no idea you exist.

It's easy for us to take that hit hard. We blame who we are. And while yes the product that is being sold is important and it's not the main reason for losing a sale. (or the love of your life) yea there is luxury in a newer model but the customer that is always looking to trade up will never be fully satisfied with what they have. They will always be seeking out the newer, hotter, sleeker models. So when you understand the objections you will understand how to approach the objections.

The second to the most common objection is cost. Now granted love doesn't ... or shouldn't... cost a dime but there are always other costs (more costly costs) when it comes to love. There is the cost of heartache, time, shared intimacy, Commitment, trust. The list goes on.
Just like in sales you can't tell others what they can and can't afford. The risk is too large for some people and that is the end of the story all you can do is give them the best discount you have. What I mean is you can lower the risk by showing through your friendship that you are a person they can trust and rely on. Just like a company builds rapport and trust with a customer.

So the top objection and most commonly found is a mis-understanding. This is the objection that has actually motivated this particular blog today. I was talking to this guy and said a few things off the cuff and later he told me that I sounded shallow. This is a guy who makes snap judgments very easily but there are many the same out there. Customers will call in to a call center and many of times I can make a sale and save them money by simply changing their package or bundling something. However those who don't want to try to understand or if there is a communication issue they will object to the savings because they will mis-understand what I am saying. When you meet someone and the communication or snap judgements have taken their imaginations to a place where they believe you are something you aren't you need to get to the bottom of it. If a customer rejects a sale before I have fully placed it, I will ask why? A call may go like this:

"No thank you I'm not interested"
"Oh, That's understandable but may I ask why you aren't interested?"
"Yea I just don't have the budget to add more services"
"Oh well what if I can actually save you 15.00 a month"
"Oh ... yea that would be awesome how would you do that?

And BAM.. I have the sale!!! (there is a reason why I was always the top sales person! ) but clearly no one is going to ask someone why they won’t date them but if you open your ears and hear what they are telling you and other people you can pick up on these understandings and nip it in the bud. It will be a shame if you don’t get Mr. Right because he thinks you are shallow when really you just get nervous talking to him therefore you pick easy subjects to talk about.

And finally there is Lack of need. This in the dating world would be the ones that are just not looking. If a customer can afford a product and understands fully what it does but is still not “that into it” there is little you can do. In this situation we always like to give 3 reasons why products will benefit a customer’s life. It’s a good idea to know a few reasons why that person would be better off picking you up off the shelf than picking up Buffy or big john. I’m not proposing that a person should say “look here is why you want me… “Well unless you can pull the whole cocky confident thing off… but what I’m saying is when you go out with someone or are around them, you can make sure these particular qualities shine through. If you anticipate a customer’s objection then you can overcome it before they say what they are concerned with.
So that is my theory.;.. I would love feedback if anyone actually reads this!
A few other tips that we learn are:
-Actively listen
. (listen for things you can use to prove that you are a worthy choice … ie things you have in common etc..)
-Open ended questions to determine need..
( this is another form of listening but by probing for more info about the person. If they tell a story ask questions about it be interested and remember those details for future sales… or convos)
-never budgets a clients checkbook
(don’t assume someone is out of your league, only they know what they are )

Here's a song that I think goes well!! "Love for sale"