Clean finishes, Clean starts

I am in a sewing class at the International Academy of Design here in San Antonio. I was sewing today and kept  getting so annoyed at the stupid thread that kept coming out of my machine every time I started to sew something new. Now I have been sewing for awhile, I grew up sewing, so I should know better but I was being sloppy and when I finished sewing something I was sorta just running off the edge instead of having a clean stop. This was making the thread get stuck up under the machine and so when I would go to sew another piece the thread would pull right out.

What does this have to do with anything you ask? Well, I read in a book recently about how a new relationships success can be solely based on the success of the end of the previous relationship. When you end a relationship in a state of distrust or true heartbreak, among other things,  it will reflect in your next relationship. 

I haven't written in this blog in over a year, why? I really can't say, Maybe it's because I was ashamed of the fact that I did actually break down and text Stephen and he actually ignored my previous wishes and text me back. How could I face my non-existent blog-reading audience knowing that I was nothing more than a weak little sissy? I wanted so much to be over him. I wasn't. I wanted to get over the entire situation. I didn't . Here is the thing, I love that man. Why? I haven't a clue but never-the-less I do.

That being said, In December I ended it for real. I text him and said "why are we friends?" and basically got him to admit that it was more or less just a flirting, ego boosting type of thing. I told him that I don't think that's good for either of us. I don't know why, I think I meant it at the time. Maybe I still do. I know that I can't be just his friend and I know that he is now with someone else who I'm pretty sure makes him happy, so it really doesn't matter does it. So where am I going with all this? that's a good question, I don't really know.

I guess here is my point. 6 months ago things ended for good, but as I was doing so, I let the thread get caught in my machine. I tried to be more careful but It wasn't good. and the last word he said to me was "whatever". I was sloppy. It shouldn't of been done over text. I should of done it in person. It should of been done with a hug. I tried to be nice but he was so mad. Even though Stephen and I were never technically "bf/gf"  I still carry with me a whole new set of baggage.

I need to start threading my machine right. It's time to be patient and learn and not act like I know what I'm doing. It's time to take care and take these things seriously. I need to start threading my machine properly because I have had to start over too many times. I have messed up many relationships (The Stephen thing is just one example) When will I learn to just take my time and take the steps I need to take?

Angie, Rolling Stones