Please Remember Me

You know it's been almost 3 weeks since I last talked to him. And while I feel still very much like the song in my last post I heard this one today and it touched me deeply. It's called Please Remember Me

Since no one actually reads my blog I don't mind spilling out my guts! I act all cool and tough around my friends.. I think mostly cause they all have enough on their plates with out me needing to spill out my nonsense on them. Especially becuase there is nothing they can do. but since I don't have anyone to just moan and groan to ... I'll moan and groan to this empty piece of cyber space!

The thing is... I miss him like crazy. I miss his funny flirty texts. I miss his smile. I miss our funny inside jokes. I hate that it had to be so complicated. I hate that he didn't love me enough to get rid of all the complications. but most of all I hate the idea that all the time we spend together and all the treasured memories are going to be forgotten by him. I hate to think that the time we spent together.. the perfect little dates when we would go to the movies and I would wear a skirt and shave my legs to insure he would rub on them and the day we went to the lake in the middle of who knows where and he held me with my legs around his waist as we spent hours just talking. I really will miss the talks and most recently when we went to the concert at the Buda bull riding fair and first when we were watching bull riding and he (causes he's liek 2 feet taller than me) stood behind me with his arms on the poles on both sides of me. and then while waiting for the concert he layed on the ground outside on the grass and pulled me onto his chest to lay down... sigh... I remember being in that minuet and not being able to think of a problem in the world. I didn't care about all the drama or anything at all.

Where am I going with all this? I'm sad. not all the time just when I hear a song like this that can bring me down. Just when think about how i will feel if he ever forgot about all this. One time before we were stopping talking and in an email to me he said " If its any consolation, even though you made me mad alot im still glad I got to meet you. You have an interesting personality and I think you're a sexy little woman, I just wish we could have gotten along better. I do appreciate the things you did for me, especially being the first person to really speak to me. You helped me break out of my shell a little and i'll always be grateful for that." I have to wonder if he really meant that. He sent it four years ago so I doubt it.

Anyway... I think I'm moving forward and I need to stop blogging about my past. Stephen If you ever stumble on thins blog I want you to know that I love you I didn't mean when I said I don't and I really wish you the best in life! I hope you check back in with me someday in the future so I can see how you are doing!!!

Okay I'm done... to end my rant I'm torn between these two songs: I'm movin on and Goodbye my lover

either way... kinda the same point! goodbye Fernando! let the numbness return! :-/